You're not everything even though I love you as if you were but you're not
I've learned
You've taught
This might be the greatest lesson I've ever get
I'm hurt like seriously hurt h-u-r-t
It's insane
All we went through
All I went through
Everything I had to deal with
Hormones and emotions and the deepest feelings
The sensation of loneliness, the lack of you being my company, this failure, this love... Our love
Our love may go on forever I might hope it does
But I'm willing to get over my feelings ASAP
If this wasn't me feeling this, it would be almost unbelievable what I feel, what I feel for you
The way my heart beats only for you, the Way it pounds for you
You're unforgettable, but I'm hoping you to be surpassable
I want the best for you and I hope you achieve the greatest adventures with the one you love
It couldn't be me,
I didn't let it happen
You know how much I regret it
But also there's nothing I can do
It's done
It is just so so so so so so so done
Can't turn the page back,
Can't rewind our best moments,
Can't replay our love story
And it sucks, because it really really hurts
Have I ever been this honest?
I'm talking to my phone,
I'm talking to a note,
I'm talking to myself,
And these thoughts are all over my head
I can't really tell you this
I don't want to kiss you again
Even though I'm dying to
Your lips are not mine anymore
Your lips are not the only ones in this world though,
Even though you are unique
Even though your lips are kissable
Even though you're lovable
Even though I love you with all I am
I failed you, I let you go
I ended this in some kind of way
I can't blame myself for every part of it
I didn't let it happen
That's my fault
That's going to be on me forever
I'm sorry for dumping you when I loved you the most
And I'm forever grateful that you forgave me
That you had no bad feelings for me
And knowing that you probably still love me makes my world Fall apart
But we can both get over it, right?
I mean you can, and that kinda gives me hope
If you say can, I believe you, cuz you know me the best
The capability of yours,
You always knew what, when and probably even why
You were just so accurate with me
I'm definitely starting to think that this capability of yours is your fortress that only with me and that makes it less special, which is great for my process of healing and moving forward.
You know?
The moment I saw you I felt it
Our feelings were just as we left them
We closed those doors,
I lean back at the door
Trying to be the most away from you
The further the better
I want you to hold me
I push myself back to the door
And I hold
Even though there was a fight in my head,
I mean gosh I could totally feel it
It was so touchable, our love, our feelings, our desire, the past, our thing
It was really special, awkwardly romantic in some kind of way
But also it was so messed up
What a love story, right?
Some that has no remedy and no solution
Even though I feel it could get solved
Deep deep inside of me I kind of know that it will never happen
You were all over me,
Emotionally,
I know you were staring at me,
You were feeling me
And we were not even touching
But then we did,
You holding my hand, I squeezing it tight
All those cheek kisses
Those hair caricias
Those memories
Those compliments
All that attention you were giving to me
It feel great having it at least for another one last time
How is this even possible?
WHY is this happening?
Why is this so messed up?
Why do I still love you?
Why do I want to kiss you so bad?
Why can't I just control my feelings?
Feeling your face with my hands,
My hands all over your face,
Like the old times,
I like your face,
I like you
Like the old times, our times
Just being able to watch you in front of me face to face
It's definitely not a dream
It's SO happening
AND IT IS FREAKING REAL LIFE
All those emotions I had hidden
Somewhere deep and dark inside of me
Only you could take them out
So I took my chance
I don't know if you did
I don't know if you still hurt
But I hurted
And I wanted it to stop
And I cried
It didn't stop
But I felt the difference
I could tell something happened in that right exact moment
I freed my soul of the harshest pain
You were there for me
I never thought it would happen
That's a great gift life gave me
However, it was Time to say goodbye
Forever?
I hope not
But most likely for a while
Half of me with happy and relieved you asked for that one kiss
The other part was terrified scared to death, but still wanted to do it
Can you imagine how bad I've wanted my lips to feel yours again?
Bad. Just really bad.
At first I didn't feel it
I was probably adapting to it
I definitely felt something special
Your kisses always were
Maybe they will forever be
But mostly I felt your desire
Why do I feel this?
I hoped it was kind of different
But it wasn't
You wanted my body
As you did before
I just wanted you to hold me tight
To wrap me with your arms
To have this cheesy romantic kiss
For me to making sure you wanted me emotionally not physically
Life is kind of a cycle, isn't it?
Still I loved it
A lot
Watching your face again
Holding you again
You holding me again
Again, after a long time
This, I won't regret either
It really felt like a closure
It felt like the final good-bye of love
I enjoyed every second it lasted
Those almost 240 minutes by your side again
I needed more
But that was fine for a re-encounterment
I never thought I could have that amount of your time
More than I never imagined
And I walked
Alone again
I kept walking my way home
I kept walking my way to loneliness
I kept walking my way to pain
I kept walking my way to doubts
Good bye. Or bad bye?
I started biting my cheeks
I didn't realize
Until I felt the pain inside
Wow, you really made me do this
I'm even more anxious then what I thought I would
If anxiety was a living person I would probably be it rightnow
I tell to myself there's nothing to worry about
But my inside keeps on worrying
My cheeks are bitten
A reminder of some thingies
I'm not a second option
I'm not a plan b
I'm not an escape plan
I'm not that girl
I have to face that I'm not the girl of your life
But the fact that you're not the boy of mine faces me too.
